A silent Adieu!

I bid farewell to Bangalore tonight. It won't be an exaggeration on my part to say that I have fallen in love with this city. The feel of Delhi and Mumbai have very coherently amalgamated to give rise to this metropolis. The people, their warmth and their willingness to help have made an indelible mark on my heart.

More importantly, I rekindled my school days' memories here. SalGo was a great company and I just realised that distance and time don't really affect your bonds if you really value the person. I will always look forward to having such a great time with him again, some time soon... very soon!

A part of me also gained back it's vigour to get back to living life. After abstaining from spirit for a long time now, I let go! It was a catharsis of sorts and I feel purged! The 'ass'-cream (That's what liquor overdose does to you. Heh!) was very enjoyable.. What was it? Yah, Spanish Delight!

I don't want to leave. I don't want to return. But I must and I will. This city has given me a lot in a very small time frame, and I cannot thank it enough.

I will be back Bangalore. And I am taking a part of you with me. I am making it namma Bengaluru.

Of Festivals and Festivities!

I have seen about 20 New Years and Christmas Eves hitherto. Every year, there is the same excitement, the same wait and the same planning which goes in to make the day special. However, the emotions, the hopes and the want change with each passing year. And that is why I guess people never have enough of festivals and festivities.

When I was a toddler, I always liked doing up the fern tree. It was as if I was decorating the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world. The hollies, the candies, the lights, the li'l parcels and the beautiful angel on top! It made a wonderful activity and it's completion marked the end of a joyful task. I always wished for large wrappings of GI Joes and HeMan castles which I firmly believe that I was gifted to by Santa Claus. Thinking back, I never thought that my 'Santa' was none other than Ma. But that's a different story all together. The new year's eve was always a time to go out with family, listen to good music, hug and kiss at the strike of midnight and then come back to the cozy burrow for a good night's sleep.

As time went by, the gifts gave way to bigger demands such as 'I want a cell phone' or 'I want those Air Jordans' and all that jazz. The quintessential feature of sharing small, yet meaningful, presents was done away with and materialism got the better of me! New Year's was a time to hang out with friends, go to clubs, cheat on you 'teetotaler' image and come back in the wee hours of the morning. Quite a drastic change, which I seemed to have enjoyed thoroughly.

Then there were times when I had examinations looming on my head and thus the prospects of going out were nil. Zilch. Zero. I hated those times. I hated flipping channels and watching 'Naye Saal Ka Jalwa' on some godforsaken entertainment station. In retrospect, it was all worth it. The good things did happen to me, and well, 'sacrifices' which were meant for the 'greater good' did bear fruit.

This year, I plan to have have my favourite plum cake with something 'heady' to celebrate Christmas eve. Though, I am not sure whether I will be able to gorge on roast turkey, but I wish this wish of mine comes true too. New Years this year would be a thoroughly family affair with a nice movie to catch up with and some great conversations to look forward to. Oh yes! I almost forgot - Shopping! Now how much cash do I have?! :)

Wrapping up, I would like to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a very happy and joyful New Year! Hope it turns out great for all you people.

Cheers!

Version 6.0 : Anger

Last but not the least, Anger!

They have always stressed on the fact that I am an aggressive individual even going to the extent of branding me selfish, self-centered and highly conceited. Others have been kind enough to know me, to know the person behind the conceit and have made a great impact on my being. The former angered me to no avail, the latter are the source of my stability.

Criticism doesn't anger me, it did to a large extent sometime back, but now it's just a way of life. When you know you haven't achieved what you set out to do, there is no shame in accepting the fact. It doesn't make you a 'loser' for life... It just gives you another opportunity to get up and get moving. Even though I have a long way to go before I learn how to accept failure, I am at it. The day is not far when I, with my own hands, will pass on the trophy of glory to the true winner!

Anger manifests itself in various forms. It can be through speech, through conduct and through your writing. The least harmful tool of venting your ire is writing. You throw the negativity out of your system by putting it down in words. I am angry that things didn't turn out the way I had imagined them to, but then for how many of us does it turn out to be a dream come true? I was having a word with a 'down-but-not-out' soul like me yesternight and I realised that when things go bad, as they mostly do, what comforts you the most is your space - home! No matter how defeated you are, no matter how poorly you have faired in life, you are always protected in those four walls which are guarded by the most powerful tools of love and care.

It is but natural to be angry, and people who have controlled this emotion have evolved from the realms of humanness. I do not strive to be a superior mortal. I want to be imperfect so that tomorrow when I wake up, I still have something to work on. We always strive to make our lives 'perfect' and a wonderful person once told me that the ratio of achievements to expectations should be close to 1. I beg to differ, Sir. Give yourself the chance to say 'What If?!...'

Wrapping up my sojourn on the various emotions of a man, I feel a whole lot closer to humanity. I set out to merely reflect my own experiences here, but after having undertaken this journey I can safely proclaim that the learning experience has been a success in terms of bringing me closer to people, to my near and dear ones and to myself!

With my 20th post in place, I am happy that my blog is now as old as me! Celebrations called for.

Champagne, anyone?

Version 5.0 :Surprise

The oft heard responses: 'What?!'... 'Are you serious?!'... 'Get out of here!'... 'WTF?!'... (Profanities censored)

And the mellower ones: 'Really?!'... 'oh! That's new/nice'... 'oh.. okay!'

This post is about instances and the appropriate responses this semester.

(A) Beginning of the sem, just when I returned home after gorging ravenously on food at home. "Anunaya, you've lost more weight!"

Response: 'Really?!' *rolled eyes*

(B) Three of my sophomore brethren are 'reverted' to their original branches because of Administration's fault.

Response: 'What?!'

(C) A 4 day strike is announced by the faculty protesting against the step-motherly treatment meted out to then by Ministry of Human Resource Development.

Response: 'Are you serious?!'

(D) The strike is called off in one day, whilst I am relaxing at home.

Response: 'Get out of here!'

(E) I announce to the folks in Roorkee that I shall no longer run away home at the drop of a hat.

Response: 'oh! That's new!'

(F) A random conversation with the Electrical junta wherein I state that I shall fair miserably this semester.

Response: 'Get out of here!'

(G) I am told that "my writing is pathetic."

Response: 'oh.. okay!' (In retrospect: 'ha ha')

(H) I am watching 6 flicks back-to-back on the 20th November, 2009. A virtuous human being tells me the exams are 3 days away.

Response: 'Are you serious?!' followed by 'Go die!'

(I) Minutes before the last exam begins- Material Science 201 A *shudder* - and someone announces "Golu Sir (our educator) is dead!"

Response: 'oh! That's nice'

(J) "I think I am falling for you.. if you get the drift!"

Response: 'What?!'... 'Really?!'... 'Get out of here!'

Version 4.0 : Sadness

This is one emotion that perpetually haunted me throughout 2-1! It made me miserable beyond repair. However, we should give the devil his due and thus, it is my duty to carry on with the 'emotion'al series.

Day 1: 23.07.2009

I arrived at 'R' with a new sense of being, belonging and zeal. Now was 'MY' time... or so I felt. I was heinously mistaken. The world had changed in 70 days. People had changed, and sadly, for the worse!

Day2: 24.07.2009

As I set foot in Room no. 326 of the Department Electrical Engineering, I was excited. I calmed my nerves, gulped a gallon (?) of water and breathed heavily. I looked around. Unfamiliar, yet warm faces. But something was amiss. My Batch-I. The class where I enjoyed myself to the brim in the freshmen year. The gabbars, the Khetans, and the Agrwls. Something just wasn't right. And I knew it all too well.

Week 3: Somewhere in September

I was looking forward to my annual Mumbai trip. I had packed my bags and was ready to devour the Balti Prawns at the famous Mahesh Lunch Home. But Lady Luck was not too generous this time round. I was bogged down with a horrible bout of influenza and the plan was washed out!

Month 4: November, in entirety

They say when there's darkness all around, a ray of light becomes your guiding force. Unfortunately, the ray of light never en'light'ened my topsy-turvy existence. Tsk tsk..

Now without delving further into this muck, I shall wrap up. The enhanced levels of seritonin have done enough damage. I wish to dig myself in a mountain of chocolates. Or maybe, the peanut butter-jelly sandwich and the pot pie will be the ultimate comfort food right now.

Straight to the kitchen, shall we?

Version 3.0 : Love

*Drum roll*

Now here comes the mush.

As much as people proclaim that they abhor being romantic, and dislike the coochy-cooing happening all over the place, Love is something you cannot escape. It plagues you, takes over your being, and makes you evolve in more ways than one. Love is a necessary evil, like education. And thus, I'd deal with this emotion in much the same practical manner (If at all love and practicality can go hand in hand, this is my shot at the impossible)!

Back in Roorkee, even though most of us are busy with different chores at hand, the presence of the four letter word in our lives is quite prominent. When you meet friends after a long break, you instantly feel a sense of warmth filling you from within. When you talk to a junior and narrate 'personal pages' from your diary of experiences in college, you feel closer to that person. When you walk hand in hand with your belle along the Thomson Marg, you cannot but feel elated at that very moment. There is one common thread sowing all these moments together. Love. And it comes in all forms.

I am a big one for mushy flicks. I have practically grown up watching Pretty Woman, One Fine Day, Sleepless in Seattle, A Lot Like Love and the likes. As a *chronotron* puts it, "You like chicklit?" Yes, Sir! I do.

Off late, a lot of people I know are 'settling down'. They've found their companion, the wavelengths have been matched and the midnight calls started. Initially, it really peeved me. It seemed futile and it still does actually, but thinking about it now, I feel it helps these honourable mortals. It's a stabilizing element of sorts. You calm down, look at the world as a better place, and try to be a better person. Good till the honeymoon period lasts, and Insh'allah, I hope it does for a long time for most of them!

I also know that most of us are alone. The only solace I draw from all this is the fact that there are others like me, and so, we are all together in this. I am not whining about how some people are 'lucky' and others just the opposite. I cannot. I should not. I have a beautiful home to come back to, some very caring friends to rely on and my own self to take care of. That's a handful for sure!

So next time, look around you. Look within yourself. Look at places you've hitherto found insignificant. And you can't fail to notice that "Love, Actually (C)" is everywhere!

Version 2.0 : Joy

At the outset, I don't think I am in any mood to write about the 'joys' of the year gone by. I need time to fully recollect all the 'joy'ful experiences that have woven the fabric of the year 2009, but as the next emotion to surface is the one above mentioned, let me strain my thoughts here a bit.

From the 1st semester on, I had always planned a breezy trip to Rishikesh. The white sand beaches, the narrow alleys and the cozy cafes were something that delighted me beyond comprehension. And this wish came true on the 12th of September. We were 6 of us and believe you me, the company could not have been better.

First pit stop, the Italian cafe with its delectable Lasagna, Anchilladas, Buritos and Cajun Chicken sandwich which was smoothly gulped down with a glass of fresh pineapple shake. The taste of the overpowering flavours still lingers on my palette. Bellying ourselves to the brim, we meandered through the hitherto unexplored gullies of the town where I was surprised to find Synagogues and Tibetan monasteries coexisting in complete harmony. We moved on to the most ethereal part of our sojourn... The white sand archipelagos. If the eyes could devour, then my sight gobbled on every bit of the surroundings. It was unreal, it was too good to be true. On my way back to Roorkee, I had a perpetual smile of my face. Beautiful, it was!

Then there was the impromptu trip to Haridwar after a couple of weeks which turned into a glutton's fiesta as I sampled my favourite fig and strawberry ices at B 'n' R. The stop at the Ganga Ghat was a very calming experience. They say spirituality heals the soul, and today, I cannot agree more.

There were other experiences too. The ones at Thomso '09 with my fellow comrades and the nouveau beings on the team. Then there was the birthday bash, and ultimately the umpteen number of chapos.

It is very strange how mollifying writing can be. After having written about the 'joy'ous incidents of the past few months, I feel upbeat. Somehow, I am enthused with a sense of contentment and a hope for a better new year. It's good to be reminiscent about your past, especially when it pertains to the 'good' moments.

Allow me the liberty go 'back'. I shall return, after a short sabbatical.

Version 1.0 : Fear

I walked the hallway- the familiar dark dungeon with rooms of the mighty mortals on the right! As I paced forward, I knew I had arrived. The wait was over, formalities completed and registration forms duly filled out. I had arrived, yet, with an unnerving sense of apprehension.

'Fear', I call it now!

The entry to the Electrical Engineering batch of 2012 came about with a gargantuan sense of uncertainty. Regarding friends, of the days to come and basically, to sum it all up, the process of assimilation. I knew only a single soul on the 24th of July, 2009 in the milieu of a 111. Today, I can very proudly proclaim, that I am well acquainted with about more than half the strength of the class. The fear still lingers in me- 'Am I a part of the group, or is the perception of me being an outsider still there?'. Well, such questions may never be answered and thus I will have to be content with the status quo.

A very different kind of 'fear' - if at all you can call it that - was of the much talked about pig flu! Yeah! I was s'oooo' scared. I even left college a few days earlier than the scheduled vacations just to save myself. Alas, thinking of it now, it was all fun! Running off home on the pretext of something as silly as H1N1 made me a complete jerk, which truly I believe I am! *nods profusely*

Yet another 'fear' came up on the psycho-emotional front. The fear of being alone. I have always maintained that I am a people's person, and to this day, the notion hasn't been challenged. But somewhere down the line, I felt very lonely.

Void. Vacuum. Nothing.

I still reel under the same fear. Travelling back home last night, I was taking in all that passed during the last 100 odd days and take my word on it, I was very sullen. As the train pulled out of the bustling platform no. 3, I wanted the fear in me to melt away. It did to some extent, yet not completely. I don't know when I'll be back to my normal self. They say time heals all, and thus, here I am swiftly keying in each character with utmost sincerity, hoping that the 'healer' gets to work A.S.A.P.

'Fear' they say, makes you stronger. Antithesis if you ask me, but then again, I cannot deny the fact that I feel stronger as a person today than what I was sometime back. It's good to be scared. It makes you realise the importance of being content with what you have.

It doesn't take a genius to know that we tend to run away from what we fear, and I am merely doing the same. I don't know whether that is the right way of doing things, but I know for sure, it's the best option that I have. To save myself from further turmoil, I need to retract into my groove where the bogeyman cannot stalk me.

Boo!

NOT!

A semester in emotions!

At 2 AM on this 1st Day of the last month of an exceptionally long year, which seemed to have passed in a giffy, with an abominably intimidating BM-201 examination looming on my head in about 7 hours, I cannot think of anything better to write about. Tomorrow on, people are 'packing their bags' and are 'ready to leave'. Yet another semester has drawn to a close and yet another year has passed in the book of life. Give me a moment to ponder over the happenings of this year, and more importantly - as the title of the post indicates- the semester '2-1'.

First and foremost, I am fairly certain that by Thursday I'll be 3/8th an engineer. Why engineering? Well that's a different story altogether and such discussions should be initiated in a comfortable ante-chamber on a warm winter afternoon over a freshly brewed cup of coffee. *bliss*

Adding to the senility of my actions, I just googled the 'different types of emotions' and what flashed on the screen is reproduced below;

"The human emotions can be classified as primary, secondary and tertiary emotions. The primary emotions are:

• fear
• joy
• love
• sadness
• surprise
• anger

..."

Thus, I have decided to write 6 posts, about these very 6 emotions that I encountered this semester. Allow me to recapitulate the experiences of the past quarter year and give me the chance to present before you, my version of human emotions albeit in a furiously personal way.

Till then, it's time for me to get back to the mundane and gooey world of Business Management and Material Sciences and I can bet this for sure, the emotion I am experiencing right now as I type this very word is definitely not 'Joy'.