If it were as it is!

Before I publish this blog, I want to give you a background to such an effusive outburst of melancholy. This is about all those people who have 'just' made it, yet not quite. It's about those who did make it 'there', but at what price?..

As I walk back to see how far I’ve come, a sense of pathos and nostalgia grips my being. Nostalgic about the times I’ve spent hitherto – good in most patches, not so good in others. Pathos, not in its literal term, but generally for all I missed out. For the boy standing there, at the corner, the junction, wishing to go this way but forced to go the other. Maybe because the ‘other’ way was right. Maybe he didn’t have an option. Either way, it was his loss. To me, it’s been a different kind of a journey. It’s been an experience. Experiences can be good or bad. Let’s go with it then: Experience. ‘I travelled with a hope of never reaching my destination’. What would I have done reaching there? It would have meant the culmination of the journey which initially seems very enticing, but gradually loses its sheen as you start enjoying the process of getting there.

Life’s been kind. Or has it? When I look back at the time when I was just there, yet not completely. Or the time when I wanted to run out and get it, but was stopped from doing so because of circumstantial limitations. We don’t get all we want. They say you shouldn’t. It makes life perfect and therefore, we don’t strive for improvement. Acceded. Great thought. But why don’t we, for once, 'put a smile on that face'. A smile of complete satisfaction. ‘I have it, now! I can be myself’. We tend to lose ourselves in the process of getting there. We compromise to such a large extent that when we finally get what we want, we wonder whether it was actually worth it?! Whether it was worth the gradual degradation of ‘me’. Did I not waste myself , rather lose myself, in the process? I achieved what I wanted, well that’s what all of us say, right? What “I” wanted. Give it a thought. Did “You” really want it? Or were you conditioned to think this way? ‘I want to be a millionaire’. Why?! So that I am respected, I have a lavish lifestyle which others admire. So it’s basically not that you want it absolutely. It’s relative. So we let someone – a whole bunch of them – dictate what we want to do and in the process, we bartered a part of us. What a gain, sir! Bravo! Quite a favourable deal.

You reach the top. You are there, boi! You are the star of the evening. Accolades. Appreciation. Unbound respect. You come back home and feel good. But think now, and be true to yourself, did you not pretend to be someone else today evening with everyone around you? Someone who knows that he has changed over a period of time to get here. Someone who isn’t you. Or someone who wasn’t you till sometime back. Change is the only permanent thing. Well said! But to what extent? To the extent of you looking at another chap in the mirror? Or you losing that ‘personal touch’ that was your trademark? That’s not a wise thing to happen to you, sir. It’s detrimental. Can you do something about it now? No, you’ve come a long way and have become complacent about it. ‘Why bother now? It’s too much of a hassle.’ It is. But what will hassle you even more, now, is the fact that you’ve transformed into someone you didn’t want to be. ‘Whatever you do, don’t change.’ ‘Always be a good human being!’ Heard all this before? Yah, from friends and family. Did you follow what they said? Nah! Fools, weren’t they? Look, I am very successful, so why should I heed to their superfluous advice?

Don’t! Don’t listen to them at all. But don’t feel sorry for not listening to them later.

Why do we at some point in our lives want to relive our childhood? Why the school days? Because we didn’t have any responsibilities. We were carefree. And what did ‘growing up’ do? It metamorphosed us into this completely different person. Someone we couldn’t even relate to ourselves.

Pitiable! Highly.