It's not Time, It's me!

It's almost the end of that time of the year which every pupil looks forward to- The Summer Holidays. It's time for me to pack my bags, head back to my Alma mater and cope with the stresses that the new year will induce in me. However, I just want to talk here about what I felt when I went to school recently, a visit that I never forget to pay to my 'launching pad' whenever I am in Delhi.

This was probably my 7th or 8th visit to Sanskriti after I graduated in 2007. So I wasn't expecting what I experienced standing in front of class 12-D on that day. I had been a part of the institution from July 2000 through March 2007. 7 years! 7 very long years, which surprisingly, passed by in a jiffy. So I shouldn't have felt a quaint sense of loss, a feeling of being alienated.

What triggered this response in me? What was the stimulus?

I walked through the familiar Amphitheatre, through the square Central Courtyard finally reaching my first pit stop- My classroom. It was just the same, apart from the bulletin board which now had the theme 'Global Meltdown'. I cast a furtive glance to my desk and chair. I saw a different sachet, not mine, and I felt.. different. I went back a few years and could see myself sitting on that very chair, laughing at a certain Mr. Mirza (the tenacious Physics teacher) whenever he squealed in horror seeing the blank faces of Neha, Elly, Dhriti and the likes. I went back to me arguing with the industrious Mathematics professor on whether we could just cancel the integral and differential signs and get the answer. And while I was reminiscing, I felt sad.

I met my teachers, most of them just the same. The same ol' Neelakshi Ma'am telling me that she needed to lose more weight to control her diabetes, Madhavi Ma'am asking me why I had 'gone down' so much? And during all this friendly banter, I felt sad.

I met the support staff of my school. Rajendra Bhaiya, much the same, running from the princi's office to the admin block. Ram Baksh Bhiaya trying to setup the biology lab for the upcoming practical exam for the 9th graders. Madho Sir with his usual smile complaining about how I had completely forgotten the ever so helpful chemistry lab assistant in the past 2 years. I enjoyed my conversation with them. I liked the rendezvous. Yet, I felt sad.

Why was I unhappy?

As I write this blog, I can figure out one plausible reason. It wasn't that the school, the classrooms, the teachers or the bhaiyas had changed. Time hadn't changed them at all. But It had taken its toll on me. I had changed. I was forced to change. I was forced to move on. I know we have to let go. Change is the only permanent thing. But did I want to change so much as to feel like a complete stranger in my own habitat? I left behind a lot of friendships and acquaintances on my way to get here. I sacrificed a lot of people, sacrificing myself in the process.

I don't have much of a reason to complain. It happens this way in everyone's life. The key point here is that do you still have the people who mean something to you around? I guess I do. So I can't crib about. But I do wish that the next time I am in Sanskriti, I feel the pulse of the institution. Hopefully, I will. I have to, because no matter how far a bird takes its flight, it comes back to its nest.