This post is purely a work of fiction and bears no resemblance to anyone living or dead. I cannot recall the other part of the statutory warning so let me NOT exercise my bird-brain too much.
Have you met the Metro Aunty?
Have you faced her wrath?
Let me introduce you to the newest predator on the block- The Metro Aunty!
Ever since the Delhi Metro started getting 'derailed' from the right track and it's subsequent 'crumbling' under the 'stress and tension' from the Delhi Government, the corporation has decided to check on the security aspect of the operations. Thus, the Metro Aunty was born!
How does a Metro Aunty look like?
She is your typical h'A'lthy punjabi (NO offence meant) aunty ji. With curves that literally kill you (of shock) and a voice that makes you accede to the fact that a crow's cacophony is the sweetest sound ever heard, you can't miss her. Statistically she is about 40-45 years old, stand at 5ft1, weighs in at 170 pounds and is always seen in brightly coloured Indian apparels.
What does a Metro Aunty do?
She is a beauty on duty. Whenever you want to travel the metro, you have to go and talk it out with her. The first interrogation, "Aur bhai! Kahan ja rahe ho?" has to be politely replied. Then the conversation follows wherein you need to convince her that life isn't that bad even though the pulses are costing a fortune and that the sixth pay commission isn't a farce. Once she is satisfied, she leaves you with a friendly (back-breaking) pat on the back. If she isn't satiated, you're done for. I shall not get vivid about the further details.
If there is an anomaly, she gets mean. She will force you to discuss the latest sitcoms on Star Parivaar and shall not leave you till you convince her that bottle gourd is an inexpensive vegetable.
Why the Metro Aunty?
She is the perennial benign (yah right!) security chick. You can't, even if you force yourself, ogle at her. She can get as personal and intimate with the women miscreants and can deliver didactic sermons to young lings.
So next time you travel by the metro, beware! She is right there, waiting for you and hoping that you'll fall in her trap. Watch Out!
Haha!! I've seen this particular kind in markets n all..now she's taken over the Metro,has she?!
ReplyDeleteur hypercritical.i have seen some decent metro aunties.
ReplyDeleteSince you actually sat down and read the whole damn thing to me, I guess I'm indebted to join this column...
ReplyDeleteI haven't paid too much attention to these creatures you talk about. But I'm getting conflicting emotions from your side... You adore or abhor these people?
Yah Prachi! You should see the security scenario now! Not a mole in the race. Metro Aunties are now being hired for Obama visits et al too!
ReplyDeleteJai Ho Metro Aunty! And Akhilesh, DECENT?
Where where? Show show!
I adore them for their looks Anirudh, that is but obvious! (Completely man, completely!)