To me!

On my way to a hog joint this afternoon, I was listening to a song very close to me. A song which forces me reminisce about achievements. Of failures which made me face people I had left behind while going up the ladder. It's strange how a song, and that too a 3 minute long ranting of an obscure singer, make a person so overwhelmed.

This post is an outcome of nothingness, and thus, on a selfish note, I am addressing it to me!

Of all things people say, perceptions are the only facet that determine a person's response towards you for a good sometime. They do change, but how often? How many times have I gone up to Person X, Mr. Y and Ms. Z to tell them I am NOT the way the think I am. I am different. I am not arrogant. I am not a tyrant. I am not a slanderer.

Being branded a certain way is born out of people's need for comfort. We compartmentalise you in a certain category and voila - the work is done! You remain 'there', wherever 'that' is, for me and I know how to behave with you accordingly.

My question is 'Why?'

Why can't you let your attitude, and consequently your behaviour, be decided on a mutual consensual platform. Don't you think, well put yourself in those very shoes, don't you think that you'd much appreciate not being called a 'loner' when you know that you are very amicable and gregarious?

Point two, success is ephemeral. So is downfall. A crest leads to a trough and vice versa. I have been overjoyed with the high points in life and have been bogged down with failures. In retrospect, they seem very trivial issues. More trivial than the trivialities of our everyday existence. But then again, there's always a time when the pettiest matter seem to be of such paramountcy that we let our existence be guided by the circumstances.

Thirdly, we as human beings - creatures with the strongest tool, yet making us weak, emotions - never learn. Once bitten, twice shy is an adage, a hackneyed adage. We never seem to remember it at the right time. Because then, what drives us is this very tool. All practicality fails. All wisdom is futile. Every saying is unlearned. We, at the end of the day, are emotional fools.

I am not complaining. I don't want to complain. I am proud being a fool. I am proud of my failures. I will still try to make X, Y and Z get to know me. Know me to such an extent that they are able to decide, without biases, about the future course of action towards me. So yah! I am at it. I am going to be a part of this rat race and I am going to win some day or the other.

Till then, as any other rat would say, who moved my cheese?

I was here sometime back

Monday. The first thought that crosses one's mind is 'another week' to pass. Morning blues, workload and chores to complete, then why would a Monday, and that too the one 2 days ago, be so special to me? Well, it took me back a couple years. A time when I was 6, or maybe 7.

I was lazing around in my room at about 6 in the evening when Lavi came back from class.
"Are you hungry?", he enquired.
"Yah, a bit."
"Hmm.. me too."
"Let's get some ice-cream at CBRI."

And so we went and got ourselves a matka kulfi and an ice candy. Whilst we were gorging on the cool feast, I spotted something that instantly drew me close to it. Something which took me way back in time. A time when I was a clumsy, irresponsible kid. I spotted a pair of swings.

"Let's go." I pleaded.
"Erm.. you really want to?"
"Yah.. why not?"
"Okay!"

And so, I perched myself on a swing, and like a complete retard, I began swaying back and forth. I finished eating, licked my fingers and felt something strange. Very strange. I felt happy. I felt ecstatic. I didn't feel silly. I actually liked the feeling of me being a 6 year old again.
There were about 50 different people who looked on, but I was least bothered. For me, I had discovered something precious which none of the onlookers could ever help me find. They wouldn't know its value.

I had found the clumsy, irresponsible kid - Me!

A week or two!

Why does it always happen that there are some fortnights where you feel life is your usual drab whilst at other times, a day is as eventful as a whole year? The past week, or should I say two, have been quite an experience. I learnt a lot about people. Learned where I was being preposterous, reevaluated others' opinions and well, 'grew up' in a short span of time.

To begin with, I am now fully aware of the fact that I can make people laugh - at me! I am adept at the art! *applause*
I am also learning how to let go of the negativity that we harbor over trivial, mostly inconsequential, issues. I am amazed at how clever can people be when it comes to 'Oh! You are a close pal, man' but then again, I am mastering the act of forgiveness. It's tough, buster! You bet it is!

A few months back, there was a guy who told me "If you haven't seen it, how do you know it exists?" Well, I thought otherwise then, but today, the guy seems to be a genius to me. If I haven't seen a person commit a crime, I shouldn't charge him either. So the frame shift is from 'guilty till proven innocent' to 'innocent till proven guilty'.

And above all, I am slowly, and steadily, understanding the importance of not evading issues at hand. It's always better to thrash it out rather than quietly sulk, and in the process, weaken the bond that we share. The bond with your parents, with your friends, with yourself.

Avamastu!