Can't you stay?

There are so many times in life when you want someone to be with you, especially when they have moved on. After a grueling day out with family for the tit-bits and Nick-knacks for the auspicious 'coming of age' of the li'l man, we were just reminiscing about the happenings of the day when suddenly the topic drifted to my aunt's sister, who she lost six months ago.

'I wish my sister was here with me. Even though we were not in constant touch, the feeling of her being there was more than comforting..' True, that. The mere recognition of the fact that someone close to you is around makes our daily lives more livable sans grief. We have become so engrossed in our 24 hour day that we hardly have any time to catch up with the ones we love. The random groups like 'Yes.. haan.. sure.. good.. fine.. okay Ma, bye' have become such a reality that you cannot not feel a personal connect when you read them.

'Why did it happen to me? Why us?.. ' The appropriate question that I thought of was 'Why anyone?', but I did not have the heart to look into those lost, glazed eyes and tell her that. I do not have siblings, and I've always considered the grass to be greener on the other side. But yesterday, I could feel the gamut of emotions brewing in her. English, contrary to popular belief, is a rational language. Why else would the lexicon have two different words for the same act- sympathy and empathy? The subtle change of alphabets makes all the difference.

As I was walking back around midnight, I looked around to see any signs of grief anywhere around me. The road was perfectly quiet, except for the usual growl of a street mongrel. A light breeze was swaying me deeper into my thoughts when I realised that as much as we want someone to be with us, they have to move on - In this world, as well as some place else. But what can be done, and should be done, is the we take them along. In our thought, in our speech and in our doings. That's how you remember someone. That is how, you are never alone even when you have no one around you.

Void

I have been trying to delay this post for quite sometime now. Procrastination is easy. Fun, in fact! But there is this wicked devil that gnaws at me at all unearthly hours and raises it's head every time I am on the World Wide Web. Guilt.

I am amazed how guilt can make someone's life topsy-turvy. You have these unwarranted bouts of silence where you look at the lizard on the wall as if you were taking a look at the Kohinoor. The lawn mower on the ground floor seems to be an exquisite piece of art just because you stare at it with such intent, as if it was created to floor the human race with its curves. The thought process during these times is so arbitrary that an infant would chuckle with pride at his own outlook and viewpoint. Much more articulate than you, he is.

Anyway, so to get rid of these pangs of desperation, I decided to write this post. I don't know why I'm going on about it. Maybe I should stop.

Okay. I'll stop now.

So, I'm stopping.

See, I stopped.

Oh wait. One last thing, I took my first ever junta class train ride a few days back. From Haridwar to Roorkee at about Midnight. It was fun. Just that wherever I stood, there were people's feet right in my face. A li'l creepy, to say the least.

Always a first

A first duck and 'Strike Out!'
A first broken faith
A first unintentional blunder
A first unceremonious au revoir
A first 'Thanks, but no thanks My Friend' confession
A first enjoyable Cognizance
A first 'Strike Out, again'
A first home-bound anniversary
A first mutual reconciliation
A first meaningful apology
A first vitriolic blow
A first distaste for passion
A first forgiving temperament
A first 'Okay, let's move with it.' attitude
A first happy good bye
A first 'I have a new life' future

Life (at Roorkee, and otherwise) does teach you a lot of firsts in a very short period of time!